remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
