It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
