oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
