just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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