mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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