Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
