I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
