Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
