to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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