so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
