wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
