I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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