did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
