I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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