somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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