yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
