i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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