I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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