Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
