WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
