youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
