You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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