How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
what day is it and did you see me today?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
