Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
