six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
When did angry sex become our thing?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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