I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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