Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
