i think my mom watched the whole time
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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