I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
