the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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