i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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