So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Your cock deserves a montage
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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