im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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