hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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