Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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