Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
