Do you still have your period?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
