one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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