my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
