According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
