You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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