Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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