i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Panties = found
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
