He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
