I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
