We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We have started to decorate penises.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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