My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
