Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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