with your own penis?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
