I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
